Sometimes, You Have to REST.

After some time away from my podcast, #aroundthecauldron , and just not having a lot of things going on in my spiritual work - I coincidentally had a brief re-visit to the Emergency Room near the end of May 2022.

Only nine months after my initial time in the hospital did I find myself going back with the same symptoms and the same scared shitless feelings…

I was really feeling defeated. Like all the progress I made physically, mentally, and emotionally was for nothing.

Those nine months of fighting an uphill battle to get out of my wheelchair. To walk again, and to feel “normal”.

In fact, I felt betrayed by my higher power too.

What was I doing wrong?

Sitting here today, I can say the honest answer: ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

I just needed to rest.

So I did that.

I said, “FUCK IT.” and I turned off my calendar, I rescheduled a few things, and I took exactly a month to just sleep, and rest, and not worry about ‘getting better’. I told myself that I was allowed to be careful. I am allowed to take all the time I need. Yes, it is a privilege! I am grateful to have that, but I also didn’t want that opportunity to heal and recharge go to waste.

Now that it is mid July, and I have had time away from worrying or thinking i’m going to die - I feel better.

I needed to sleep.

I took initiative to find solutions for my mental and emotional health.

Still in therapy. Still going to the gym. Getting outside. Eating right. Etc.

Making meditation and rest just as important as other things in my life. IN fact, I feel like I have a better relationship with stillness and peace than I ever did before.

Is it possible I could end up in the hospital again?

Yes.

Do I worry about it, and try to do everything in my power to stop it now?

no.

Life is too short.

So I rest.

And when I’m not resting, I appreciate what I have, and what I can do with my time.

I am grateful to be here on this earth.

I am grateful to be a vehicle for change.

I am grateful to be me.

-ztw 2022